Never in a Million Years
by hello.anne
Summary: "No wonder you like reading so much- it's like a movie in your head." Soul has finally seen the light and enjoys reading just as much as Maka. Unfortunately, Soul loves it just a little too much. CRACK


_**Never in a Million Years **_

"Man, I'm so bored," Soul groaned.

Maka was on a girl's day out with Tsubaki, Liz, and Patty and so he got the whole apartment to himself. At first he was enthusiastic with the prospect of doing whatever he wanted without being nagged and Maka-chopped by his meister, but after a few hours of doing everything he wanted Soul was struck with boredom. He was now currently slouching on the couch and staring broodingly at the ceiling.

He sighed. Black Star was out on a solo mission and Kid was probably at his house on cleaning rampage. Soul shivered at the thought of joining the young death god in cleaning his ridiculous amount of bathrooms as the boy _did_ live in a huge mansion after all.

Soul tapped his fingers repeatedly, a habit that annoyed Maka to no ends and would have earned him a sharp whack to the skull. Luckily she wasn't there at the moment, but sadly there was just _nothing_ for him to do. Nothing on the television was interesting. He didn't feel like playing his new video game because of that stupid level he couldn't beat and he would have been playing his guitar but a curious Blair had clawed the strings.

He scratched his head in annoyance and turned on the couch, facing the coffee table. Soul narrowed his eyes when he caught sight of Maka's thick, hardcover book sitting on top of the table. Soul grabbed the book and held it curiously in his hands. It was Maka's new book that she could _not_ stop obsessing about. The story was something about the government being so corrupted that they forced two kids from their twelve districts or whatever to fight against each other for survival. Soul remembered Maka blabbering about it to him at dinner last night but he tuned her out as soon as she exclaimed "I got a new book!"

He scoffed. What was so interesting about books that caused Maka to be so entranced by them? It was just a bunch of big words plastered on pieces of papers! How could someone actually enjoy something as boring as reading?

Soul stared at the novel in front of him. "What the hell, it's not like I have anything better to do," he mumbled, opening the book to the first page and began reading.

"_When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold…"_

* * *

"Soul, I'm home! I bought some take out for you," Maka yelled as she walked into their apartment and closed the door. She had just returned from her day out and bought food, too lazy to cook as it was her turn tonight.

There was no response as she looked around the living room.

"Soul?" She called out attentively. Usually Soul would be running towards her at the mention of food as he had an endless pit of a stomach. She knew he was home because she saw his shoes when she removed hers.

'_He's probably in his room sleeping,' _Maka thought, walking towards his bedroom. Not bothering to knock she opened the door. "Hey Soul, I have food- Oh my god!" She exclaimed, surprised.

The silver haired boy was lying on his bed deeply engrossed in one of her books. His eyes were narrowed with intense concentration as he did not notice that Maka had entered his room.

Soul was_ reading her book_.

Maka never thought in a million years would she find her partner, the one who was _constantly_ telling how boring and uncool it was to read, with a _book_. Nevertheless, lo and behold here he was absorbed in one of her latest novels.

She gaped, mouth hanging open from shock. Soul looked up from the book and noticed his meister staring at him with wide, astonished eyes.

"Oh hey Maka, you're back early," he simply said, not paying heed to her dumbfounded state. "This book is so _cool_! I can't stop reading it! No wonder you like reading so much- it's like a movie in your _head_."

Maka just continued to stare at him, flabbergasted.

"Just leave my food on the table. I'll get it later after this chapter," Soul said as he turned his attention back to the book.

The blond haired girl wasn't sure how to react to her weapon's sudden interest to reading and just mumbled a meek "Okay…" and closed his door.

Maka stared at Soul's closed door. "Is this a dream…?" She asked, pinching her cheeks. The girl winced as she felt a sharp pain on her face. Maka shook her head, "I'm going crazy," she said, making her way towards her own bedroom.

* * *

It had been a week since Maka discovered her partner's new found interest in reading. At first she had been enthusiastic. Soul had finally seen the light and loved reading just as much as she did. Unfortunately, Maka discovered Soul loved it a little _too _much.

For days Soul did nothing but _read. _It was starting to get on her nerves. They ate dinner in silence because Soul would bring his book to the table and read while they ate. Maka couldn't even talk to him because he was too busy reading _all _the damn time. And when they did have a conversation, Soul couldn't talk about anything but the _book_.

"I can't believe she died. It was so uncool, she was my favorite character!" Soul exclaimed, throwing his hands up for emphasis.

Maka simply muttered an annoyed "Mhm" and continued to flip through the channels of the television.

"Maka can you turn down the TV, I'm trying to read."

Said girl sighed exasperatedly and turned off the television instead. Not bothering to say anything to her partner, Maka stood up and stomped heatedly to her room.

Soul raised an eyebrow at her actions but thought nothing of it as he started reading again.

* * *

A few days later when Soul turned down her suggestion that they take on a mission, Maka realized that his problem was serious and decided that his reading infatuation could _not_ go on. It seriously made her want to rip her hair off. For the first time in her life, Maka wanted to take a book and shred it into a million pieces.

Maka tried _everything_ in attempt to try to get Soul to stop reading. She even tried using Blair on him! The blond haired girl closed her eyes in frustration as she recalled the memory.

"_GO BLAIR! USE YOUR WOMANLY ASSETS ON HIM!" Maka exclaimed, pointing angrily at her partner who was occupied in another book. _

_Blair stared at the girl with a confused look on her face. Maka threw a hand on her forehead and sighed, "Use your _boobs_! Shove it on his face or something!" She infuriatingly yelled. Maka could not believe she was giving _Blair_ of all people permission molest Soul. However, it was for his own good. Maka would not stand another minute of his abnormal obsession with books.  
_

"_Got it boss, nya!" Blair said, giving Maka a thumb up. She pounced onto the boy and attempted to seduce him. "Soouuuul, put that book down and play with me!" _

"_YEAH, GO BLAIR! LIKE THAT!" Maka encouraged. She watched determinedly, knowing that her partner would not be able to resist the temptation of a woman's body. _

_But she was proven wrong when Soul shoved the magical cat off him without hesitation. "Go away Blair, I'm trying to read," he said, eyes never moving from the pages of the book. _

_Maka's mouth hung open, stunned. He didn't even get a nosebleed! No reaction at all! _

_What in the _world _was happening to her partner? _

Maka groaned. There was only one thing left to do. She had to call in an expert. One that she knew would be able to knock her partner back to his senses.

"YAHOOO, THE MIGHTY BLACK STAR HAS ARRIVED!"

Black Star, Maka was assured, would definitely cure Soul.

"SOUL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Black Star cried when he saw his friend hunched over a book. "ARE YOU CRAZY?" He ran over to the silver haired boy and taking him by the shoulder he started to shake Soul uncontrollably.

"Black Star let me go! Can't you see I'm _trying _to read?" Soul exclaimed, annoyed. He waved the book in front of Black Star for emphasis. "You should try it, it's actually pretty cool."

Black Star jumped away from his friend as if he had been burn. "What has Maka _done_ to you!" He pointed an accusing finger at the scythe weapon, "Who is this imposter and what have you done with my best friend!"

"Black Star _please_, I really want to finish this chapter," Soul told him flatly and went back to reading.

"NOOO SOUL, WHY? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR GOD?

Maka sighed. This was not good. Not good at all. If not even Black Star could fix Soul, what could?

* * *

Maka stared at her partner. Determination was evident in her bright, emerald eyes. Maka knew she only had one shot at what she was about to do so she knew she'd have to do it without fail. Nothing else she had tried had worked.

This was her last resort.

Maka breathed in deeply and closed her eyes letting the oxygen flow through her body. She tightened her fists. Maka couldn't back out now. This was her only chance at getting back her partner

Failure was not an option.

With new found strength Maka strode confidently towards Soul. The silver head pay no heed to her as she sat next to him. Maka sighed; she would need to get his attention for her plan to commence.

"Soul," she said pointedly. The blond haired girl showed no signs of mercy. She was going to do what she needed to do without regret.

The scythe weapon looked at her, "What is it Maka? I'm trying to read-."

His eyes widened when Maka leaned towards him and pressed her lips to his. He dropped his book in surprise.

Maka grinned as Soul began to kiss her back.

Her plan was a success.

* * *

After finally getting Soul out of his obsession Maka never read in front of him or let him see another book again.


End file.
